When I look at you...

When I look at you, memories flooded into my mind.

It's weird that, even after a month of being separated, I suddenly feel this way. When I look at you, I suddenly feel like I'm still yours. I feel like I want to continue being yours. It's really weird.

I thought that I was strong enough to think that this year isn't the time to play silly love games and even think about having a relationship, but it turns out, maybe I'm not that strong.

The moment I looked at you, I just felt like crying. It felt like as if everything else didn't matter. It felt like you were looking at me back, only me.

Since the start of the day, it's been all about you. In the hall, sitting near me. At the quadrangle, looking at you by the corridor of the hall. In the hall, looking at you introducing the Uniform Groups. This day was all about you.

I really didn't think that I would feel this way. I thought that since we tried twice, maybe the third time wouldn't be a good one either.

The moment you looked at me, in the hall, I just felt like crying. I felt happy and sad at the same time. Happy that you are finally someone that I look up to as a 'leader', but sad that we're no longer together.

Memories. Memories. Memories. It's all that went into my mind the moment you looked at me. Thinking back, I feel guilty that I caused you pain. I'm sorry. Sincerely.

If the third time isn't a good idea, why can't we just be like before? Best friends. That's what I really want us to be: best friends. Talking to you. Going to the library with you. You cheering me up when I'm down. Where did all of that go to? I miss everything. Everything. 

The day that you talk to me again, and the day we finally be best friends again, that's the day I'll remember the most. Cause I don't want to lose such a great best friend. 

Looking at you with your uniform on, for the first time that I'm saying it sincerely, you look dashingly handsome. If only I could say it to you, but I guess I just don't dare to after all that we've been through together. 

I know that thinking about this again isn't such a good idea, but I guess the only solution is to just move on. Like they say, 'There are other fishes in the sea'. But I do want to say that, I'm lucky that you were one of the fishes that I picked. I will never regret whatever things that we did together. I will never regret the decision of being yours.

I know I might be a little too young to say all of this, and all about how I'm heartbroken. I just can't help it. Who knows, maybe when I get older, I'll read this post again, and just laugh it off knowing about how silly I was to write this post. 

Will you ever look at me again?

Let's be like how we were before. Best friends.
Let's be close like how we were before.

Benjamin.