Let's just end it.

Let's make this post into a 'letter' to give to Benjamin. It's not exactly that kind of letter that would make him feel excited, but I guess I'll have to do it eventually.

Benjamin. I know that you're still angry at me. I just know it. I know that it's gonna take you some time to forgive me, but it's okay if you don't forgive me cause I know I did a horrible thing to you. I know that everything was my fault from the start. Everything will always be my fault. I admit that all the arguments and fights that we gotten in to during this relationship was obviously my fault. I cause all the problems in this relationship. Do you even still like me? After all that I did to you? If we continued this relationship, do you think that we can get better in it? I'm just kind of lost. I don't know which side to take: to break or, or continue trying. As much as I want to continue this, I think that I shouldn't. You said that you wanted to be in a relationship because you wanted to be happy. I don't think you're happy now. I'm not making you feel happy. I just make you feel more hurt. To be honest, I've been trying to 'walk away' from this problem. It's probably cause I don't really know what happened between us and also cause I don't wanna deal with it. I keep running away when I face problems. It's just like how I would want to commit suicide just cause I don't want to face problems anymore. That's how I run away from problems. I just leave it there, and never solve it. It's just me. I always do that. But now I know that I way better than that. I know that thinking about suicide isn't the 'right path'. It was just a way for me to get away with it. now I realize that I was silly to even think about suicide. I should have just solved the problem and never make the same mistake. But I guess the point that I'm trying to say is, let's just end it. Let's go our separate ways. I just don't want to make you feel hurt by me. I hate seeing you get angry because of me. It makes me feel like I'm a trouble maker. And I will just run away when I get into trouble. It makes me feel like I'm a bad person. But I don't want to be. I'm sorry that you had to waste your time on me. You really deserve someone way better than me. Really. Let's just be bestfriends just like how we used to be before. Bestfriends is what we should be in the first place. 

I guess that's it. I hope he'll understand.