19 September 2012
Those thoughts are coming to me again. Those sickening thoughts. Those thoughts are haunting me now. I just can't seem to get them out of my head.
I've been really stressed out these days. Not just because of the upcoming exams, but also because of friends and all. There's really too many things that's in my head now. Damn, I worry too much. :/ Not a good thing..
First problem: Ahmad
Why can't you just leave me alone? I'm sorry okay that I didn't promise you that. I thought about it again, and I just think that I really can't make any promises. If I did promise you that, then you'd me like me finance. No, I don't want 'chop' you or anything okay. The idea of it kind of makes me feel weird.
You keep bugging me, and asking all those questions. I'm hearing those questions all over and over again. And I have to answer you all over and over again. You already know what's my answer right? Why do you need to have me to say it myself? I mean, those texts that I sent Syukri was already what I was thinking of, then there you have it. My answers. In those texts. Isn't it enough? Aren't you satisfied? But obviously, you weren't.
Then you texted me to talk to you in the morning. I did. But we didn't even talk a single thing about the situation. Might as well you don't even come to me. Seriously? I hate it that I will always see you a thousand times each day. It makes it harder for me to avoid you now.
You keep saying that you understand my problems and all, but no. You don't. Stop saying that you do. Stop lying. You don't know what it feels like to be in my shoes now okay. So you better shut your mouth.
Second problem: Syukri and Farhana
I'm happy for you guys, honestly. But I kind of regretted helping both of you get together. I didn't thought about what might happen after he confessed. There are two possible situations: 1. Hayati will kill me 2. Benjamin will kill me
Once Hayati knows that Farhana and Syukri likes each other, she's gonna freak out. Cause her own best friend didn't tell that she has crush on the same guy. The worse thing is, Hayati even talks about him with Farhana, without knowing that Farhana likes him too. If I was Hayati, I would really feel betrayed.
So this is the part where I step in.. I actually helped Farhana and Syukri to get together. I myself knows that Hayati has a crush on him. Hayati would be angry at me bacause I didn't even tell her about Farhana liking him too. So yeah, I'm gonna be killed by Hayati once she knows that I helped them 'get together'.
I'm so sorry Benjamin. You're really gonna kill me when you know that I was involved in it too. I was the one who helped them get together. I'm so gonna be dead if you still have feelings for her, and I didn't even bother to tell you that Farhana likes someone else.
I really feel sorry towards you okay. I really do. I'm not lying. Out of all the people involved, the person that I'm most sorry to is you. You've helped me a lot, especially during times of hardship. I appreciate everything that you've done for me, but in return I gave you bullshits like this. I'm really sorry okay. You don't know how much I feel sorry for you. ><